How Hyperspace Works

Being a genius, I get a lot of people asking me how Hyperspace, that thing in Star Wars where a spaceship travels across vast interstellar distances in the mere blink of an eye, works. The technology itself is all still fictional of course, but the principle which it functions under is quite real: essentially, an algorithm is fed into a computer controlling the stardrive that goes like this; X represents how amusing the ship finds nearly any random thing uttered by the bit of the space it currently inhabits when it wants to have sex with it, Y represents just how funny the ship finds even the most well-crafted witticism uttered by the exact same bit of space when it wants to sleep with someone else. When they feed the difference between X and Y into the ship's engine control, the transition is nine times faster than the speed of light and actually requires significant artificial dampening, lest the sheer velocity of the jump peel the faces right off the crew as it transitions from one state to the other. The effectiveness of the dampening device is rated in something called "Fake Smile Units." It takes about 15 FSUs to counteract the usual jump in space without injury.

I'm not as familiar with Star Trek, but I assume the perceived incongruity of one unrelated thing such as "how clever someone is" being affected by another apparently unrelated thing such as "how pretty they are" goes a long way to explaining the functioning of the Kingon cloaking device. I'm looking into it.