Progress

I mostly brew my own coffee, and when I buy it from the outside I peel off those increasingly more complex lids and just drink straight from the cup like an adult.
Listen, I don't know why coffee suddenly comes in a 24 ounce breast, but I really don't have time for this shit. Having to get my caffeine fix from a cup with a picture of Shrek 2! on it is infantilizing enough, I don't need the full on oedipal Freudian jive of a freakn' nipple on my formerly masculine cup of joe.
I think that's the put-off for me, that what used to come in a ceramic mug with a metal spoon sticking out of it is now basically a 24 once sippy cup designed to be consumed by Pugsly Addams while resting between the twin hams that are his man-boobs as he navigates his SUV.
It's not cool, it's a another small slide in the wrong direction.

Today however, I let novelty drive the dong bus and I decided to give the cap a whirl. What the hell, you only live once, right? Wouldn't want to be dying in an airplane toilet mishap, and right as my knees meet my face before joining the rest of me into oblivion regret not having given the modern coffee lid a try. When your life is flashing before your eyes and you don't know what's become of your scrotum, it's always the little things that haunt you isn't it.
Of course, you can't just drink out of a modern coffee lid, you have to get a feel for it, one that I lack completely, so I instantly burned the complete and full crap out of both my lips. I look like Jay Z imitating Mick Jagger doing a Mush Mouth impression in a wind tunnel in Utah at the moment. If I nod off and do a face plant on my desk, there's no way I'm peeling off this thing without two people and perhaps a donkey pulling both sets of limbs behind me.

I miss the flat lids. You knew that shit didn't work just by looking at it. Some things should be left alone.