Where did Howard Dean's money go?

The shift in campaign managers has caused certain questions about unaccounted for gaps in campaign funds to arise. I break promised silence and present a partially itemized list of smaller campaign expenditures:

• $275,000 - iPod batteries, one pair.


• $55,000 - Quietly spread around to conceal from Dr. Dean what Martin Sheen's actual job is.


• $43,000 - 327 cuddled and then quietly disposed of bunny carcasses.


• $41,000 - Various shirts and neckties purchased at The Dashing Tree Trunk squat n' stocky men's clothier in North Paramus.


• $40,000 - Rolaids.


• $1,000 - Squandered on "anti-large Indians with pillows" snake oil spray unfortunately sold to Dr.Dean after a particularly tense midnight showing of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.


• $300 - Henry Rollins posters to spruce up scream closet.


• $230 - Susan Sommers' Nexercise™ neck expander. Costs to be recouped after appearance in informercial is filmed.


• $210 - Tony Robbins' "Let's Crazy Down That Rictus You Think Is A Smile, Sunshine!" program.


• $14.99- Soundtrack album from TV's The Incredible Hulk, primarily for solo piano end piece "The Lonely Man Theme", pacification effects of which have proven priceless many times over.