Stupid pet tricks

GloFish, zebrafish genetically engineered to glow under UV lamps like tiny stoner Hendrix posters, are now being sold as pets, but it seems people aren't buying them.
No shit. Fish are supposed to be tranquil; a tank full of glowing fish is like a barking kitten or a tense and angry retarded kid-- it cuts right into the charm of the thing. If I want to see little glowing things zipping about, I can just press my thumbs into my eyes for free. Also, why waste all this scary bioengineering on useless things like pet fish when you could introduce it into the wild by breeding the GlowRoach? First of all, much easier to kill, and what a quick and easy way to spruce up the city. Do a handstand in your kitchen, it'll be like a Lazer Floyd show. Sharks would have been a not bad choice as well... I don't know which capitalist stooge decided upon zebrafish before, say, great white sharks, but I do know that poor 13 year old one-armed girl wouldn't be paddling in a giant circle on her surfboard every time she tries to get out to a wave if they had released this into the shark population.

Deaf people top my list, now that I think it over; I'm sick of the embarrassment of yelling at some twit for twenty minutes only to get the hand sign after I finally make eye contact. Deaf people should glow.