"Features" listed by real estate people to be wary of :

Carpet. Well, of course. I mean, as opposed to what, clay? All listing "carpet" says to me is "we couldn't get the blood out, so we tossed down $45 for a new roll of ghetto-turf from dupont."

Window. What, one? Huzzah. Also, note "window" and not "view".
$370 a month for a city apartment, I'm guessing maybe I'd feel a whole lot safer without the window. Why not put more of a spin on it? "Portal to meet interesting new people in your room at 4 am."

Cat. Aw, man, either let in animals or don't. If you say "no pets" people take that as code for "well, cats." "Cat" means " since they allow pets and just not the kind of pet I want, I'm going to shirk their prejudice and sneak in a dog." This causes them to get small dogs, which yap at 3 am like a baby on a hotplate.

Microwave. That's what you've got, huh? I can buy one for $50, you're listing it as an inducement?
Be honest, instead of microwave, say " fist-sized roaches.... and occasional bats."

Closets! Twice I've seen `em like that, with exclamation marks.
Closets!
Again, scary by omission. Closets are a feature? Those tents the Bedouins erect every few months have closets in `em.
I guess "Roof!" couldn't quite get past the editors, huh.

"Near bustling Avenue J!"
Yeah, no shit. If hookers and people who sell infants on the black market had business cards, they'd say exactly that.

Motherfucking hippies.
Yes, sounds ideal, but in a month you'll be the "yang to the ying" who doesn't "contribute to the cause" by being "closed minded" about what "belongs to you." Namely, your toothbrush, every morsel of food you purchase, your significant other, and your anus.