I have a lot of other ideas, too

Maine's quibbling over whether or not to allow Native Americans to open up a casino within it's state. They fear the corrosion of their state's family-friendly culture.

You know, that whole casino thing is meant as a sort of reparation for us white guys annihilating their aboriginal culture. Seems a little silly to me. "Whoops, sorry about all the genocide, Chief. We feel bad about it, we're not really like that... here, you can open a third-rate Bally's rip off in half of our states. You cool with that? Alrighty, then. Again, sorry about all the smallpox*."

I say if you're going to go with reparations, casinos don't seem like much of a fair trade to me. I say we give Indians total amnesty from American society. All of it. They didn't sign up for this culture, they were just sort of in the way while we put strip malls around them, so I say let `em out from under it. That's what the casino thing really is, anyway, a little reprieve from american civil norms. We should broaden the scope. I think American Indians should be allow to just do whatever batshit thing they wake up feeling like doing that day.

Here's specifically what I want... I would love to wake up one morning, scratch my ass, pick up the paper, and see this picture right on the front page : a severely drunk Indian Chief wearing one of those big ceremonial headresses... with a baby on the end of his dick.

Not sexual, not rape, not penetration of any sort, not the kid being abused, just a very inappropriate game of swing the baby. The kid's laughing, the Indian gives the camera a "Look man, there's a baby on the end of my dick and there's nothing you can do about it" look. Like Al Franken makes, you know.
The cops can do nothing. Nor can the media, the church doesn't get to make a peep... none of these defenders of the Status Quo can do a thing to Big Chief Babydick but stop and stare and pontificate badly about what it all means for us as a species on the nightly news.
" A line has been crossed today, Dan, I'm sure of it. A line central to the heart of every Upstanding American Citizen. Today... I saw an Indian with a baby on his dick."

Fancy that shit on The O'Reilly show.
" Who's looking out for you America? Not that mud person with the baby on his dick, I can tell you that."
"Bill, you can't say mud pe-"
"Shutup."

I get made dictator, I'll run the shit out of this country, you'd love it.

"Me swing baby from wang for all oppressed cultures everywhere. Fight um power."

* corrected from the former "Syphilis", actually the reverse of the relationship, by Kevin in the comments section.