Pope on the ropes

I wanted to make a post about the pope being near death just so I can say "Pope on the ropes" because I know every motherfucker with a real print job in the media wants to use that pun in the worst way, but can't.
Unfortunately I don't have much after that.
I mean, frankly, I thought he was dead. Wasn't there some sort of parade in June or something? Some dude in a large hat and a dress went down. I thought it was the pope. Maybe I'm thinking of Katharine Hepburn. Whatever.

We're still using pope version JP2? That's the commodore 64 of popes! Time for an upgrade already. I'd like something in a mildly less anti-gay pope, please. A Jp6? You Catholics got anything in a mildly less anti-gay pope? You know, I was raised to be prejudiced against homosexuals, if I can find that kind of behavior silly in just under 30 years, I think you motherfuckers could cough up a gay friendly pope in 2003 of them.