Pull up a chair, kids, it's storytime

I don't live in Orlando, but near enough to hear of the occasional character who does. One such fabled individual is Stewart The Bagpiper.
Stewart is known by those who aren't his mother for two things : drinking, and bagpipn'. These things he will do wherever, whenever and with a similar high rate of frequency.
As you probably know, well-played bagpipes have a sound equivalent to a cat being trained to stay off of your favorite couch with an 80 watt soldering iron, you can imagine what badly played and very drunk bagpipes sound like. Despite this, Stewart is popular among the locals, cranking out a limited repertoire of requests for the price of a drink. Bagpipes are sort of like harmonicas, they only come in one key, usually A flat, so, if you found yourself with a hankern' for some screechy ABBA in A Flat, Stewart was your go-to guy. Not a bad deal for a beer.

One morning, Stewart's had a little too much to drink, even by Stewart standards. Fart-near-an-open-flame-and-you're-pestering-the-space-station-crew-for-a-lift-back-home sort of drunk.
Stewart, as is the nature of having this much drink, decided he needed a nap, and unfortunately he decided this on one of the main railway tracks on the outskirts of town.

Evidently to Stewart, the rumbling, horn blowing, break screeching and generall furry of approaching freight train was not much more to him than, say, dozing in front of the TV and becoming irritated by that screechy guy dressed like The Riddler who wants you show you how to really take full advantage of what the government tries to do for the poor. Stewart reacted as most people do to that kind of irritation, and rolled over to block it out, just enough so that the train spared his life but took both his right thumb and set of bagpipes.

Luckily, local fund raising efforts got Stewart his medical bills largely covered, but interestingly, no one seemed to have any change that was spare enough to replace Stew's pipes.

Stewart, proving himself Scottish in nature if not genealogy, has a solution that seems to be working out for him : For a mere 25 cents, you can take a peek under the bandages at his fresh new stump.

Last heard he's got enough to buy himself some new pipes, but Stewart is evidently ridding the stump thing out for all it's worth. Stewart says he plans to solve the thumb problem when he picks the pipes up again through duct tape.

If that's not enough story for you, go read this, because it's hilarious.