This blows

I get a few hits from military addresses, so I hope this plea finds the right set of eyeballs.
Hello boys... ladies. Whatever ya are.
Listen, the fact of those fake memorial bugles with the electronic playback are making the rounds on our news.
Now, I know you'll probably reject the suggestion I'm going to make at first, because you take this subject very serious, as well you should. Those are, after all, your brothers and sisters in the casket, but that's exactly why I ask you to consider this : the people who actually get you killed, they who march you right into a shitstorm for the glory of Halliburton or whoever's paying that day, these people have never been more threatened in their lives than when their AC breaks down in the nasty Washington DC summer heat. These are the people who, after you've been violently killed, can't seem to manage to set aside enough cash to get you a real live bugle player who can Satchmo it up over your final foxhole for 5 lousy minutes, after you've given them, literally, your whole lives.

Add to that the wonderful feeling you must get if you are assigned this special duty... being the official Milli Vanilli for the day, faking like you can bugle while you know you're unintentionally pissing all over some comrade's memory with some cheap, ordered-down-from-on-high schtick.

It is for these people, the soft, shitty desk jockeys that have no idea of what it means to be doing something from a perspective of service, that I implore you, to do this one thing:

If you should get the electronic bugle duty... put the mouthpiece to your ass.

I know, at first it sounds like a horrible idea, and such displays of personal liberty are not really your thing, but think it over : The bugle will go on playing as normal, some of the dimmer people will actually marvel at your talent, and most importantly, you'll be sending the right message to the asslick who shifted this particular decimal point in the military budget.

Dong resin, and your country, thank you.
Unlike your commander-in-chief, we actually mean it.