Shut Up

Jesus, do I hate the Kool-Aid Man! The way he keeps selling Kool-Aid! Infuriating! It's as if there were no other soft drinks on the market! Oh, he pretends to acknowledge that he's just one drink of many and that he's equally aware of all the other drinks, but it always, always gets back to a Kool-Aid point of view! Always! Who does he think he's fooling? That Kool-Aid Man is so full of shit! I'm totally gonna rename my website for a week in protest of the weight the Kool-Aid corporation throws around! Who cares if my giving a frivolous, attention-garnering lawsuit even more attention makes me the biggest sucker since the cold vacuum of space itself, I've GOT to fight Kool-Aid, and the Kool-Aid man in particular! Look, of course I know he's just a big anthropomorphic mindless pitcher of sugarwater, but other, stupider people take him him to heart!
And Jesus, how the Kool-Aid Man treats those other poor corporate spokescartoons!

Wait, not the Kool-Aid Man, Bill O'Reilly.
I don't want the subtile, subtile joke to shoot past anyone.