dong resin vs. the roll of plastic baggies at the fruit isle

Aaaaand....grab.
Fuck. Okay, do over.
Aaaaaaaaaand, grab.
Fuck. One more.
No, wait... use both hands this time, stop trying to just snatch one and look cool. You look like a spaz.
Good. Now, where the fuck is the opening... Okay, no big deal, just tweeze the bag with two fingers until you find the opening. No, the other end. No, the other end.
Wait... No, I guess it was that end. No, the other end.
Wait...
" Gah! "
Did you just say 'gah' out loud? Settle down, you look like The Hulk trying to put on a condom. Fuck, people are looking. Grab another bag. That's not the perforation. There. No, there. No. No. No.... wait, go back.
Fuck it, just snatch a bag really hard.
Well, way to go, Bingo. That's like nine bags wrapped around your fist there. You look like you just got nabbed by Spider-Man.
"Do you need help?"
"I'm fine, thanks."
You need help. Understatement of the year.
"Shut up."
"Excuse me?"
"Not you."
Well, she looks terrified. We're going to go to jail for molesting a baggie dispenser. Look, wad these messed up ones into a ball, cram them in your pocket, and just grab one, gently.
Very good. there's the perforation. Don't try to snatch it, just poke at it. Good. okay, one bag, now. again, just tweeze with your fingers until you find the seemed end. No, must be the other one. No, must be the other one. Wait.. turn it sideways.... no. Hey, I wonder if they ever send these things out with no opening in them at all... like every third baggie is just a plastic sheet. Nobody would complain and bust them, you feel like a retarded person not being able to open a simple baggie.
One more try.
No. No. Wait........ no.
Jesus.
Forget it. Go to the donut case and get one of those wax paper baggies.
Oh, well look.. they've switched to plastic, too. Splendid.
Okay, grab a box. That's right, I'm going to the checkout with my huge square box of two apples. Here, toss in a bagel or you'll look insane.

Checkout Lady : " How many donuts, a dozen? "
dong resin : " Two apples and a bagel. "
Checkout Lady : " .......... "
dong resin : " See, the bagel makes it normal. "