How to have fun :

Wanna know what's fun?
Fun is grabbing a nice big swig of orange juice in the morning, only it's not so much orange juice as it a mug of steaming hot coffee that you, in a moment of early onset Alzheimer's, expected to be orange juice.
This allows you the keen new hobbies of making lots of pus, and cursing.

Want some more fun?
Manage to somehow forget that you did all this yesterday, and remind yourself with a nice big handful of Fritos.

Hey there! Want even more fun?
This is for you Florida people... yes, I promise to keep the words small...

Find a good-sized snake in your shitty apartment.
Note, I did not say capture a good-sized snake in your shitty apartment.
As it slithers off between the cupboards and, one would hope, back to into Hell, notice that it has the exact same colors as either the completely harmless king snake, or as the insanely venomous coral snake, which is a distinction made by looking at the color of the head, something you neglected to do in favor of shrieking like a big burly caveman, and not like Christina Aguilera seeing herself in the morning without make-up.

The fun from this one lasts all godforsaken night long as you lie there, being the warmest thing in your chilly-enough-to-effect-a-cold-blooded-animal's-judgment-making-skills apartment.